After Smiles

This is a whimsical piece I was inspired to write last March. It magically led to many beautiful connections including our speaker for June, Rebecca Hoffberger.

The After Smile

Thomas J McCabe

March 2011

For some time I have contemplated writing about after smiles. Most of our attention is to a smile. Smiles grab our attention and we discuss what’s a good smile and what’s a half hearted smile – a smile is like the clothes we wear, we wear and put on a smile, it’s what we want people to see. 

The after smile is the look people have on their face at the end of a hardy smile or a good laugh. We don’t wear after smiles like our clothing fashion but rather it reveals something more genuine. After smiles reveal something very authentic; they are purely natural and difficult to fake. The beauty of after smiles is that they have not been rehearsed or practiced; it's one of those few moments when a person reveals his soul. Smiles are our public tuxedos, after smiles are our private underwear, hidden only by inattention.

There are all sorts of smiles and laughter. Some smiles are authentic and expressed earnestly; at the other extreme some laughter and smiles are forced. There are many gradations in between but discussing these two extremes will outline the framework of analyzing the after smile.

There’s smirks, itsy-bitsy smiles, half smiles, ear to ear smiles, and laughter, but it's not the intensity of the smile that tells the story, it's more so the after smile. When a smile or laughter is authentic and spontaneous the after smile is very natural and like a flight of stairs it takes a stepwise progression. This after smile is punctuated by many mini smiles and affectionate eye contact. Sometimes the after smile is not completed and a full second smile or second laugh comes about. 

The tipoff here is the after smile has the same characteristic of spontaneity and earnestness -- -- the after smile itself has a life of its own and its own spontaneity.

The after smile of a contrived or forced laugh is a different matter. There are two types of forced smiles, one is when the person is entertaining the subject and the smile is an expression of social protocol. The second variety of forced smile is one done on autopilot, where a well rehearsed story or joke is being told and the speaker knows exactly when the punch line comes.

The social protocol smile is less than spontaneous and has the flavor of a greeting -- -- unlike a hardy smile and after smile which is borderline laughter the protocol after smile’s lack of spontaneity is a sure tipoff. The protocol after smile here is like slamming a door shut, it's quick to the recovery with no lingering half smiles or half laughter. Typically there's no hesitation to punctuate the smile but instead there's a continuous social conversation that picks right up in the wake of the smile.

The only smile with no after smile is the smirk. It’s territorial and hierarchical and it makes a unilateral statement -- -- it doesn't want to be reciprocated, only acknowledged. Instead of an after smile it's usually followed by a frown and a demeaning announcement.

The autopilot smile happens at prescribed timing -- -- the conclusion and punch line of the story. The smile is more of an acknowledgment than an intrinsic smile. Unlike the social protocol after smile this one can linger -- -- it's often a smile acknowledging the listeners laughter and appreciation of the joke. It's the listener in this case that has the interesting after smile; the storyteller has only a perfunctory after smile and quickly regains the floor.

The notion of after smile can unlock secrets in the art world and in literature. The most famous smiles are the Mona Lisa and the Cheshire cat. The subtle and intriguing smile of Mona Lisa has intrigued art lovers for centuries; they talk about an indefinable subtlety that makes the Mona Lisa's smile enrapturing. Here's the key, Leonardo da Vinci created a Mona Lisa with an after smile, and it’s that innocent and vulnerable after smile quality that has captured our hearts and imaginations. What we love is not the Mona Lisa smile; we love the Mona Lisa after smile.

The Cheshire Cat is another story -- -- the bare gums and broad teeth denote a menacing independence. There's no after smile here, this is a mystifying grin that's locked and loaded like a medieval gargoyle. This is no smile but rather a manifesto that fore tells of mischief to come. Lewis Carroll created a smile through words that intrigues and haunts our imaginations to this day -- -- a smile that's not a smile, betrayed by the absence of any after smile. What intrigues us here is a menacing smile that's locked, the cats menacing teeth and raw gums are locked throughout the story -- -- the cat grins his way through Alice’s adventures. This locked grin has no after smile, that's what captures our imaginations and makes the Cheshire Cat  so enduring.

The after smile unlocks the key to our two most famous smiles; the Mona Lisa is pure after smile, the Cheshire Cat has no after smile.


Observing and studying after smiles almost seems to violate social etiquette. It's a completely un rehearsed phase of conversation and dialogue; they miss this one in charm school. It does directly suggest strong hints about the nature and mood set of the smiler.

My preference after smile is for somebody who loses it and the laughter gets carried away, they break into a horse laugh and can’t finish the story. They're not known as the best storytellers but they certainly are authentic. Their after smiles have a certain stutter, it takes several attempts to close down the smile and laughter and there are numerous false after smile starts that lapse back into the laughter. To me this is laughter in its finest form, and the surest indication is a staccato after smile that keeps revisiting the laughter and smile. To me this laughter is authentically shared and is an indication of true friendship.

I don't like the quick closing after smiles. I am either being told a canned story or being entertained by a social butterfly who's smiles and laughter are part of the workday and are perfunctory. The sure giveaway here is the after smiles quick close down and transition to another subject. No lingering in the after smile means you're being socially had.

I have experienced and loved several instances when emotion was so strong that words and smiles cannot be found -- tearing eyes, quivering lips, the groping for words speak louder than the words could speak--  this is like a pure after smile -- -- it's the after smile with no preceding smile or laughter. Many people feel embarrassed and awkward upon such occasions but it has its own beauty, it's a salutation of very strong emotion and intimate connection; the social awkwardness looks like an after smile in full bloom.

This is my favorite, the emotional connection so strong it overrides our social graces, the greeting of pure after smile. This is where hugs happen, but hugs (and after hugs) are another story.